Is anyone out there?

I think by now I have lost all of my blog followers. Why haven't I posted? I think that I have become more aware of who reads my blog. I have millions of thoughts I'd love to share but second guess myself on sharing them. Hmm..... Anyway. I decided to update my blog. Is there anyone out there? Seriously - if you read this, just say HI in the comment section. It might motivate me to blog more often!!

Matt and I recently attended a marriage conference by Les & Leslie Parrott. We try to attend one a year - although we've fallen a smidgen behind - in seven years of marriage, I think we've been to 5 (maybe 6)?! We enjoyed it (although it probably isn't the top marriage conference on our list.) Our number one pick would be the "Love & Respect" conference by Eggerich and we only saw the video conference not the live event. But, they are both excellent speakers and the truth of the "crazy cycle" is top notch. Anyway. Les & Leslie had an excellent presentation and have written tons of books. Here is a brief overview of the sessions we heard....

1. Myths of Marriage:
A. We expect the same things from married life.
- unspoken rules - Is it okay to put the ketchup bottle on the table? Or should it be in a
serving bowl?
- unconscious roles - who mows the grass? does the grocery shopping? pays bills?

B. Everything good will get better.
- The things you LOVE so much about him/her might actually drive you nuts at some
point. (Can I get an AMEN? lol.)

C. Everything bad will disappear.

D. My spouse will make me whole.
"If you try to build intimacy with another person, without doing the hard work of becoming whole on your own - all your relationships become an attempt to complete yourself."

How to know you are healthy: Realize that you have
a. Profound significance
b. Unswerving Authenticity
c. Self Giving love

2. What's love got to do with it?
- They mentioned "The Love List" - sounds like a good book
- Study your spouse's funny bone - laugh together
- Discussed how people experience time differently. I found this interesting. It's just another personality thing. But, I had never heard this before. This is a poorly constructed diagram to represent the topic. You either would fall into "unscheduled or scheduled." And then to you plan more toward to present or future. This would place you in one of the four quadrants - often overlapping into others. It seems that in marriage opposites DO attract. My DH is on the left side probably a little more of a dreamer than an accommodator and of course, I am on the right side ... probably a little more of a planner than a processor. Take their online assessment for free. This info is from their book The Time Starved Marriage.

......................................P
......................................R
.....Accommodator........ E .................Processor
......................................S
......................................E
.....................................N
.....................................T
......unscheduled -------------------------- scheduled

......................................F
......................................U
.......Dreamer................ T .................Planner
.....................................U
.....................................R
.....................................E

3. Say what you mean and understand what you hear
#1 - Clarify content - words we use have different meanings
#2 - Reflect feeling - what are the emotions flowing under all the words being used

4. Love Talk
- creating emotional safe places. This is from their book Love Talk. This is one I think I want to read. Mostly because it wasn't quite clear in their presentation. Or maybe that's how they get people to buy their book. :-) It's another one of where do you fall on the grid (This assessment costs 15.oo per person - then they give you pages & pages of printouts on dos and don'ts of relating to each other with your specific talk style.

How do you say the things you do? What do you value?
-Time (You tackle problems aggressive - let's deal with it now)
- Approval (Do make decisions based on feelings?)
- Loyalty (Are you resistant to change?)
- Quality (Do you make decisions cautiously?)

I am definitely high on quality and loyalty. So I am indecisive and resistant to change. And my DH is high on loyalty. We are gonna be stuck with each other forever ;) - old and gray driving the same beat up old car, using the same old cracked dishes, listening to the same old cds, and love it. :-)



5. Share withholds -This I liked as far as a take home practical tool. Even to use at the dinner table with your kids. :-)
- Everyday we have positive and negative withholds.
- Sit down. Share two positives and one negative from the last 48 hours.
* Thank you for.... I liked it when..... I was glad that..
* I didn't like it when... It hurt me that.....
- Spouse (or child - if you do it as a family) simply responds, "Thank you."
- Cannot discuss negative (if you want to...) for 30 minutes.